Ascending Journal part One

My First Flight Here on Earth

They told me I would fall in love

on the Ishaya retreat in Wales

It is true…

I fell in love…

In love with… multiple mirrors there.

And I love to share…

the Love we share


(laughing to emotions, inaudible talk + f@%k)

I am about to…

comment edited out:
…receive another Puja with N@£@!n here…

I am about to learn to love myself fully.

Click pic to watch:

On a dark Finnish night in the most thickly populated area of our beautiful country at Kurvi after an ascenders’ meditation meeting,  November 12th 2013 a seed was planted in my head.

One friend, who I always look up to, even though I’m a lot taller than him, suggested me to look up a guru he had met some time ago. I promised to do so. He also told me that the anonymous guru had written a book that had a title something like “shit happens” Little did I know then that now I feel like the same guru is actually one of my cosmic brothers. He is very high in consciousness but I am still a bit taller than him (physically).

So, I went for my first flight here on Earth in this body. I say here on Earth in this body to imply that I might have flown some other vehicle or mounted a flying being some other place some other time (or actually at the same time simultaneously but the concept of non-linear time needs another text to contemplate). I surely have flown in a dream with just my body. But that doesn’t count, does it? My body was laying on a bed, wasn’t it? Anyway, flying felt familiar to me.

I missed the train where two of my soon to be lifelong friends were waiting for me. Both of them have a Sanskrit name now. His name represents the Supreme being, a master of the Universe and her name means the bringer of Love. I had quit smoking cigarettes once again (before the departure) and suffered of lack of nicotine in my system. With this sensation on I am totally proud of surviving the London tube on my own. Well, asking for help from a fabulous info clerk guy with lovely nails circling the right circle subways with his pen. (You have a dirty imagination if you think this means something else than it is: An openly gay guy gave me a hand)

On Abergavenny train station I met some of my companions from the Retreat. We took a taxi together and arrived to a place called Buckland Hall. In my mind the venue has some resemblance to the Overlook Hotel from the film and book The Shining. [My dear bro’ (who is star) across the Ocean added this comment while pro-reading: completely different architectural style!]

I was an addict in a foreign country with people who did my meditation practice but they had totally different flavour to the way I was accustomed to back in Finland. All of this stress culminated to a vision to shoot my brains out in the main hall. I actually saw my body and my blood on the carpet from a high angle during my vision. It wasn’t scary. Vice versa. It was a relief. Afterwards I shared my vision with the group of some 60 fellow ascenders. That helped a lot. AA (Ascenders Anonymous) meetings are the best that an addict can get.

The anonymous guru was the one and only one I told about a huge crush on a particular girl there. Actually I didn’t say a word or tell who she was because I felt I didn’t have to. I played with exchanging ideas without opening my mouth with this guy. A one sided mindreading by being present and watching signals of the other person’s body-language. It worked well, at least in my mind. For all I know the conversations in our heads might have been seemingly absurd dysfunctional chaos like:

– beautiful day today

– yes, but she doesn’t love me bhuauauaaaua!

– oh here comes some clouds. That is nice too.

Ascension is not a guru driven movement. I’ve brainwashed myself with this practice sharply six years now. It has opened a lot from the only real teacher that is inside of everyone. And that is one with everything here and beyond. I’m referring to the guru spoken of as a guru simply for the reason it might annoy him.

Although the Ishayas’ Ascension does not revolve around any earthly guru, it has a strong lineage. To me the only way to ensure the persons in charge of the retreat was with the same lineage was to get them sing a Puja ceremony. To me it is a holy experience. Every Ishaya teacher does it basically the same, although there might be slight differences in minor details. So I asked this guru on one of the first days: “can we have a group Puja?” He replied with an adamant face that the guru who once went and brought this teaching from India would have not allow group Puja on a retreat like this. I was thinking to myself, so you changed every single bit from the original way of conducting retreats but this. I had always had a group puja on the shorter retreats I had had back in Finland from the other league of teachers.

The second day I started insisting that someone gives me a Puja. The guru said that Puja is not for someone to be performed yada. yada. yada. . . But to me it was the most important thing at the moment. I had to hear the familiar song of praise, gratitude and love. I kept on begging for the ceremony and eventually got it.  Later on the teacher, yes the guru N, thanked me that I was stubborn about inspecting the ceremony. He said to me that otherwise he might not have done the act (during that retreat) that is meant for the personal teacher in flesh to step aside and bring homage to those who went before and who are still guiding us from within.

Later this year I learned that the guru N is actually the guy who is in charge of teaching the method of Puja to the novitiates in their Ishaya center. So my doubt was pointless but needed then.

I feel like during those ten days I took my first step towards being part of the lineage myself.


On February 18th 2016, the 2nd day of an other retreat in Wales.
(This body is not there this year but my Heart expands even beyond Brecon Beacons)


Lineage of gurus as Maharishi Mahes Yogi wrote them down in an appendix page of the commentary on the Bhagavad Gita (ARKANA 1990, Penguin Books 1969):


The following verse records the cherished names

of the great masters of the holy tradition

of Vedic wisdom:

Nārāyanam Padmabhavam Vashishtham
Shaktim cha tatputra Parāsharam cha
Vyasam Shukam Gaudapadam mahāntam
Govinda Yogīndra mathāsya shishyam

Shri Shankarāchārya mathāsya Padma-
Padam cha Hastāmalakam cha shishyam
Tam Trotakam Vārtikākaram-anyān
Asmad Gurūn santat māntosmi

Ālayam Karunālayam
Namāmi Bhagavat-pādam
Shankaram loka-shankaram.

Shankaram Shankarāchāryam
Keshavam Bādarāyanam
Sutra-bhāshya-kritau vande
Bhagavantau punah punah.

Yad-dvāre nikhilā nilimpa-parishad
Siddhim vidhatte-anisham
Shrimat-shri-lasitam Jagadguru-padam
Natvātma triptim gatāh
Lokāgyana payoda-pātan-dhuram
Shri Shankaram Sharmadam.
Brahmānanda Sarasvatīm Guruvaram
Dhyāyāmi Jyotirmayam.


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